


Then Okay

by Unda



Series: It's the end of the world as we know it [15]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Breakups, M/M, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 16:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12915321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unda/pseuds/Unda
Summary: Your name is Jake English and you'll be damned if you'll let your soulmate just slip away from you.Lyrics from Julia Nunes song Then Okay.Takes place during chapters 30 and 31 of MC Esher





	Then Okay

_I am trying to be realistic here_ _  
_ _I am dying 'cause I know I can't resist it_

_We're gonna be so sorry soon_  
_But I can't keep my hands off you_ _  
_ And I don't want to

  


This very morning you had Dirk gasping your name as he clung to your shoulders, his nails digging into your skin. You probably still have the marks. But now… now Dirk stands there with hastily put on clothes with blood soaked into them and he won’t look at you. Dave and Rose had become something else, something dark, powerful and wrong. They killed their father and then returned to normal, Rose fled and Dave shortly after her. Now the rest of you are just here not knowing what to do. Except for Dirk who stares off into the distance and holds himself tense and taut.

A cold kind of pain spreads across your skin with a sharp snap. You scramble out of your shirt and stare at your arm, at the black patch that has formed over part of your mark, it’s dying. Your connection to Dirk is dying.

“Dirk? What’s happening?” you ask, fear clinging to your system and thrumming in your veins. Dirk still won’t look at you. Your arm keeps hurting and you feel like you’re in freefall, as if you were climbing and the rope snapped out and what was supposed to keep you safe is gone.

“Dave and Rose died because I was too engrossed in you to pay attention to my messages. If I had then they never would have died. My family was supposed to come first but I am clearly not capable of self-restraint when it comes to you.” Dirk says, his voice cold and robotic.

He blames himself, you knew he would. You blame yourself. You were the one who tossed Dirk’s shades onto the floor so that you could press him up against the nearest flat surface and divest him of his clothes and his wits without distraction. It wasn’t until the damned things started beeping that either of you realised anything was amiss. Guilt is natural here but your mark is dying and that can only mean… no, you refuse to accept that.

“What are you saying?” you ask, determined to make him say it and hear how absurd this whole thing is.

“Thank you for helping to bring them back but this is over, I can’t afford to be with you. I need to go find Dave and Rose.” Dirk tells you and without a backwards look he takes to the sky again, leaving you behind. Discarding you.

Ice cold spreads further and you stare in horror as the darkness floods through more of your mark, taking over the entirety of the robotic horse that has been inked on you for what feels like your whole life. Dirk just… he broke up with you. Is he angry? He didn’t seem it. Is he blaming you for what happened?

“Jake, I’m- I’m sure he’ll come around.” Roxy says, wrapping an arm around you. Her sister just died and came back to life and yet she’s comforting you. When wetness drips onto your arm you realise that you’re crying.

“This isn’t a fight, it’s dying.” you say hoarsely.

“It’ll heal again. He’s in shock. You know he never used to rely on people, him cutting everyone off when he’s scared is dumb as hell but it makes sense to him.” Jane says.

You nod. You don’t believe them but they’ve been through so much and they’re trying their darndest to make you feel better.

“I think I need to be alone.” you tell them and offer a weak smile. You fly off before anyone can talk you out of it and head to your planet. You land and shuck your rocket pack off, it skitters across the floor for a bit before it has the good sense to turn itself off. You pace and scrub at your face, pushing up your glasses to rub at your eyes. With your glasses off your vision is hazy and you can see yourself faintly reflected back from every mirrored surface. You let your glasses drop and stare accusingly at your reflections. Every flaw you have radiating back at you, your stupid tear blotched face, your dumb teeth and your absurd needy nature.

But Dirk, oh, you had always so hoped that he would be your soulmate. He’s so smart and capable even though he’s capable of thinking himself in anxious knots at times. He doesn’t make big choices without thinking it through from every angle. And he looked at you and decided that you needed to be cut out.

You sit surrounded by mirrors and cry your broken heart out. You wish he was here with you more than anything.

  
  


_If we're careful maybe this could be alright_  
_But you are caffeine and I'm staying up all night_  


He won’t talk to you. Dirk Strider won’t bloody well talk to you! He’ll sleep in the same building and eat at the same table but he won’t speak to you, won’t even look at you. The black patch on your arm aches and as Dirk flies off to spend time with his brother you’re left to your own devices on your planet.

You’re not meant to be alone right now but you’re well aware that you’d be rotten company and you figure that you’ll take the risk of being on your own. Besides, you’re handy enough with your weapons to be able to defend yourself.

Wandering your planet with its mirrored buildings is thoroughly miserable and you can’t stop yourself from thinking over everything. Dirk is your soulmate and while you both agreed that your families came first you never thought that meant that if Dirk suspected that you were even momentarily more in his focus than his kids that he would dump you. He’s your soulmate for crying out loud!

Stewing on everything in your bed alone all night has sharpened your mind. What happened with Dave and Rose is tragic, of course it is. You’d feel terrible too if it had been Jade instead and you don’t blame him for needing time with them instead of you, not at all. But you wouldn’t break up with him because of it if you were in his shoes.

You stomp around all morning in a black mood. You swing between feeling that Dirk will come out of this and be mighty embarrassed and owe you big time and then on the other side you feel like it really is all over. What godawful luck do you have to have so that your soulmate chooses to not be with you? Unless it’s not luck but a fault in you that he can’t deal with. Or no, no, maybe he’s the broken one!

Wisely you restrain yourself from giving Dirk a piece of your mind when you feel angry and instead you isolate yourself. You’re barely questing, just wandering around and occasionally shooting any enemies that show up. You round the corner and catch sight of your own darkening mark on your arm and feel your stomach sink with sadness.

“I’m sorry.” Dirk’s voice says. You look up from your arm in the mirror to see Dirk reflected in the mirror wall. You whirl around to stare at him standing about five feet away from you. You had thought he was with Dave today, did he really leave him to come find you?

“You left me.” you tell him bitterly.

“I know. It’s just… Dave and Rose died because I was too focused on you.” Dirk says, sounding choked.

“And I feel terrible about that, I will probably never forgive myself!” you tell him loudly. Dirk looks at the ground and picks at the cuffs on the sleeves of his long hooded sweatshirt.

“I just don’t see how you avoiding me will help anything.” you say finally.

“I know, I know it’s stupid but I don’t trust myself around you. I clearly can’t be trusted.” Dirk insists, but nonetheless he comes a step or two closer.

You rub your arms as if you’re cold but you’re not, not really. What you are doing is running your hand over your blighted soulmark, the black stain where Dirk has started to cut you out.

“I’m sorry for everything if I could time travel I would change things but that’s not something I can do. I really am sorry.” you apologise. Guilt churns in your guts and you can still see the twins bodies behind your eyelids every time you shut them, so small and so hurt.

Dirk’s hand on your face startles into looking at him again, his expression is aching.

“You brought them back, you and Jane. If it wasn’t for you they’d still be-” he shakes his head head and visibly shudders.

“Please don’t leave me, I know things went rotten but we’re supposed to work together. You’re my soulmate Dirk, please.” you beg.

Dirk hesitates, seemingly undecided on what to say. You watch his lips part as he seems to decide one way or the other and you just don’t trust that it’ll be what you want to hear. Dirk is so tricky with his words sometimes but you’re just not the same way, you need to convince him. You swoop in and kiss him, revelling in the way he gasps against your lips and then melts against you.

“I don’t want to leave you.” Dirk finally says as you hold him tight to you by his hooded sweatshirt.

  
_I'm not stupid enough to believe_  
_That I could just kiss you and leave_  
_There will be prices to pay_  
_What are we gonna do_  
_I just wanna touch you_  
_And nothing can stand in my way_  
_So if all you have to say_  
_Is okay_  
_Then okay_  


Dirk had left eventually, probably to be around Dave and Rose more. When you get back to the home base that night he’s nowhere to be found and Dave is locked up with his boyfriends as Rose argues loudly with Vriska. Despite being unable to talk to Dirk in person right now because he’s who knows where you find yourself hopeful. You can still remember how he kissed you on your planet, hesitant at first but then desperate. At least he can’t stay away from you any more than you can from him.

Still, you should talk to him.

[golgothasTerror began pestering timaeusTestified]

GT: Sorry to be a bother dirk but i just was wondering where you were.  


You sit at the table in the large kitchen and drink tea that Kankri made for you and the rather dashing Porrim. The two of them are embroiled in a discussion about feminism and you’re not really sure that you have anything to add. You grew up with Jade and anyone who for some reason wished to imply that she was less capable for being female would come up against her with her hands full of rifle and her head full of angry.

Dirk isn’t replying to you.

GT: Dirk?  


HalBirdSprite: It really has been some time since I’ve had to do this, but Dirk is busy right now, Jake.  


GT: Oh bloody hell hal you are not the one i want to talk to!  


HalBirdSprite: Can we skip this you hate me song and dance, the tune is wearing thin by now.  


GT: Can you just tell him that I need to talk to him?  


HalBirdSprite: Busy. [biz-ee] adjective, busier, busiest. 1.actively and attentively engaged in work or a pastime: busy with her work. 2. not at leisure; otherwise engaged: He couldn't see any visitors because he was busy.  


GT: What is he busy with then?  


HalBirdSprite: He’s with Dave and Rose.  


GT: Oh.  


HalBirdSprite: It’ll have to wait. Do you want me to pass on a message?  


GT: No thanks i dont trust your messages.  


HalBirdSprite: You know I was really glad when my own soulmark came in because boy I’d hate for mine to be you.  


GT: Oh really? And how are things with your soulmate then since youre so smug about it?  


HalBirdSprite: That’s really none of your business.  


GT: Not talked to him then?  


HalBirdSprite: Hey here’s a fun thought, have you ever considered that I AM Dirk? I was made from his brain. You apparently loathe me yet insist that Dirk is the greatest thing ever and perfect for you. Surely those can’t both be true, or perhaps you don’t know Dirk as well as you think you do.  


GT: Go boil your head.  


[HalBirdSprite disconnected the chat]

You down the rest of you tea in one gulp and stomp off up to your room. That damned AI drives you absolutely crackers, you’ve never liked him and he’s never liked you. How he came from Dirk you will never know.

But then… but then Dirk can apparently discard you at will.

  
_I know better than to play with fire but_ _  
_ _I'm already burning and I can't get enough_

The next morning when you come downstairs you find Dirk talking with Dave. He’s wearing the sleeveless shirt that he’s taken to wearing in the game and you can see the patch where your compass on his upper arm is now just blacked out.

“Nah, the three of us are gonna be bouncing between Quartz and Melody and then Amber and Chimes. We’ll be cool.” Dave says to Dirk with a shrug. The poor boy has a real shiner on his face now, it’s not a good look.

“I can come with you.” Dirk offers.

“Dude, basically immortal here. It’s not like it matters if I die, later.” Dave says with a shrug and walks off leaving Dirk frozen at the dining table. Multiple people look concerned at Dave’s apparent lack of concern for his own wellbeing but no one goes after him, instead he just leaves with the other time players.

“Dirk…” you say softly, reaching for him. Your fingers brush his shoulder but he steps away from you.

“I can’t.” Dirk mumbles and leaves the building, leaving you alone.

You try to follow after him but he’s already a distant speck in the sky, clearly he doesn’t want you bothering him. You can understand his worry for Dave but you can’t help but feel the sting of his rejection. You check your arm to see if the darkened patch has grown any, it hasn’t but it also hasn’t shrunk either.

The door opens behind you and you expect it to be Roxy or Jane coming to check on you and Dirk but it’s someone else entirely. It’s Cronus.

He’s a hope aspect player like you. When you first realised that you wondered if Dirk perhaps had a type, but the idea of you having anything in common with the man was horrifying. He’s brash and self obsessed and, oh yeah, he was with Dirk before you were. At least Dirk told you that, if you’d had to discover it for yourself you don’t know what you’d have done.

“Trouble in paradise, huh?” Cronus asks, lighting a cigarette that he holds between his jagged shark teeth.

“That’s none of your business.” you say sharply.

“Hey, all I’m saying is that a dotted meowbeast doesn’t change his spots. Dirk was never the settling down type. All he cares about is his dumb kid.” Cronus says with a careless shrug.

“Well doesn’t that show how little you know about him? Besides maybe he didn’t care for partners who weren’t his soulmate but I am so you can shove off!” you snap.

Cronus sucks in a smokey breath and then exhales the smoke out of the gills on his neck which, and you’re trying not to be speciest here, really creep you out.

“Don’t look like you’re gonna be his soulmate much longer. Hey it’s no skin off my globes, maybe when you two are over with I can get another crack at him.” Cronus says, gesturing to the black mark on your arm.

The idea of Cronus being the one to hold Dirk close, to make him make those beautiful noises that you’ve coaxed from his catches fire in your mind. It sits there like a flaming coal and the rest of you just burns up with rage. Before you can think better of it you swing for him, a solid punch. You don’t hit him in the face like a fool, that only works in movies. No, you know that the best way to win a fistfight is to knock the other chap down in one blow. That is why your fist slams into the gills in his neck.

You watch as Cronus crumples to the floor, wheezing and gasping as he clutches his gills. His cigarette lies forgotten on the floor and you crunch it underfoot.

“Stay the hell away from me and my soulmate.” you tell him and take to the skies on your rocket pack before he can get up and get even.

  
_I'm not stupid enough to believe_  
_I could just kiss you and leave_ _  
There will be prices to pay_

When you arrive at your planet you land outside your half of your island home, the other half is on Jade’s icy planet. You would rather not say that you are sulking but you know that you are, you can’t delude yourself that much. You need to talk to him.

[golgothasTerror began pestering timaeusTestified]

GT: Dirk?  


You stand there staring at your phone but Dirk isn’t replying. You had hoped that he would.

“Jake?” Dirk’s voice comes from the hallway.

You spin around and watch as a wary looking Dirk comes into the room, he’s swamped in that hooded sweatshirt again.

You want to yell at him for ignoring you. You want to get him to talk about what’s happening between the two of you, to fix things. But all you can think of is the pull of Cronus’ leering smile, the confidence that he had that he could have Dirk back again. All the things you know you should do fly out of the window as you grab him by the front of that hoodie.

“Jake, wait, we shouldn’t-” Dirk begins but you don’t want to hear it. If you can just show him how much you love him, how much you miss him, then he can’t deny that. Not when the proof is right there. You kiss him bruisingly hard and revel in the way he gasps into your mouth. When his hands go from a startled grip on your shirt to tangling in your hair you know that he’s game.

You tell him that you love him, try to force as much meaning into the words as you can as you walk him backwards into your bed. You throw his clothes aside and take him apart. You wish you could record the way he calls your name like a prayer so that you can hear it whenever you want.

Afterwards you fall into a post coital nap and when you awake some half hour later you’re alone, Dirk and all of his clothes are gone. He just left you, again. You grab for your phone, fixing to give him a piece of your mind. Of all the nerve to come here like that then love you and leave you!

[golgothasTerror began pestering timaeusTestified]

GT: I cant believe you just left me like that!  


GT: I’m sorry Jake, but I told you how things had to be.  


GT: You are unbelieveable!  


You fling your phone across the room and shove your face back in your pillow, if you can’t feel yourself crying then surely you must not be. You arm throbs with spreading coldness as more of your mark is consumed.

  
_What are we gonna do_  
_I just wanna touch you_  
_All night all day_  
_So if all you have to say_  
_Is okay_  
_Then okay_  


You awake to the sound of laughter from down the hall, the shrieking sound of children having more fun than is strictly allowed. You climb out of bed by yourself and open your bedroom door. Down the hallway you can hear more laughing.

“Oh god John NO I swear I’ll- ahahaha, I swear I’ll punch you in the face!” Dave shriek laughs from one of the rooms down the hall, you think it might be John’s. Lingering in the hallway outside are Jane, Roxy and Dirk who all hide out of sight of the open doorway.

“I’m not gonna consider it a personal achievement unless you barf!” John laughs.

You can hear Dave protesting loudly and then a series of heavy thumps like several teenagers landing on the floor gracelessly. You make your way out into the hallway and you can track the exact moment that Dirk spots you.

“Hey! No fair, we can’t fly!” Jade protests.

“Rose, sweetest sister, beloved twin, you wouldn’t throw me to these buck-toothed wolves now would you?” comes Dave’s voice from inside.

Roxy waves you forward, one finger on her lips and the two of you peer around the doorway though you strive to ignore the feel of Dirk’s eyes on you.

“Survival of the fittest.” Rose intones. Both she and Dave are floating up in the highest corner of the room out of reach of Jade and John.

“Oh, oh, oh! John move!” Jade gasps, shoving John off of the bed and climbing up on the windowsill. She leaps from it, bounces off of the mattress and flies towards the twins. In a show of true remorselessness Dave shoves Rose at Jade and zips out of her reach himself. Jade wraps the floating Rose in a bear hug and you find yourself surprised that Rose can apparently still support the weight of both of them.

“It’s so nice to see them having fun together again. They need this kid stuff.” Jane says softly.

“What’s that saying about it taking a village to raise a child?” you wonder quietly as Roxy pulls you back with her arm looped through yours. You look at Dirk and catch the exact moment that he looks away from you, his shades don’t hide nearly as much as he hopes they do.

“I should…” Dirk trails off, not even bothering to make up an excuse for his leaving. He just turns and slinks off.

Irritation bubbles up within you, not quelled at all by the laughing and screeching of the young teens in the room behind you horsing around.

“Go!” Jane hisses, shoving you in the shoulder in Dirk’s direction.

You don’t need to be told twice and so you quick march after your soulmate, you catch him in the stairwell and shove him against the wall. His expression is all surprise, like he didn’t think that you’d come after him with all that he’s done lately. His bare arm is still marred with a spreading blackness which for now is thankfully halted.

“Jake, I-” he starts, no doubt intending on weaving some convoluted reason for why they can’t be together but you don’t want to hear it.

You kiss Dirk because apparently it’s the only mutual language they can communicate in these days. At first Dirk’s surprise lets you thoroughly take advantage of the situation and forge ahead into enemy territory. Dirk makes a broken kind of noise and at first you think that you’ve won, that he’s yours again. Only then he stops kissing back and makes a protesting noise in his throat, his body pulling back from you in a definite no.

Dirk is funny like that. He likes being manhandled, likes the feeling of being crowded in and directed about. You don’t truly understand it and though you’ve never been tactless to say so you are baffled by how a man with his past would like roughness like that or concede to do whatever you want. It bothered you until you found that Dirk does have things that are a hard no for him, that you can tell when he wants you to stop and back off. It’s funny, he was happy once for you to dig your fingers into his skin so roughly that he had bruises afterwards but one time you took your hand to his neck he recoiled like you’d burnt him. Apparently there are scars that his Bro left on him that aren’t so visible. Because of that you know that this is Dirk saying no and so you back off.

“We talked about this.” Dirk says, almost against your mouth.

“I don’t remember much actual conversation about it, as it happens.” you point out and Dirk winces.

“I know, it’s not fair. I’m being an asshole about it but I can’t do this.” Dirk insists as he slips out of your grasp.

“I wish you’d make up your damn mind!” you say harshly and storm off.

  
_I'm not worried about the consequence_  
_But maybe we could use some common sense_  
_Maybe this was just how it had to be_  
I was gonna explode eventually  


That day he finds you again on your planet, wearing that same hooded sweatshirt that he wears every time that he makes what he later evidently considers to be poor decisions. You don’t listen to his preamble, can’t bear to hear him justifying being near you as if you’re not his soulmate.

“Jake I- oh- I need to tell you something.” Dirk gasps as you divest him of his black jeans and shove him at your bed.

But you don’t care, you don’t want to hear his damned slippery words. Unless it’s actually him telling you to stop you don’t give a toss what he wants to talk about right now.

Dirk is babbling about how he shouldn’t be doing this but he is pulling your shorts off as he does so, making it something that you can ignore. You tug at his new black hoodie but Dirk distracts you by climbing into your lap, he’s just in his underwear but you certainly appreciate it when he grinds up against you.

You splay your hands over his lower back under his sweatshirt. You’ve spent time studying the raised scars on his skin, angry though they make you. Right there on his hip is a big angry one that… you can’t find it. You run your hand up and down his side again and this time you can feel it, you must have been pawing him up in the wrong place or something.

“I love you.” Dirk breathes as you mouth at his neck.

You pull his hooded sweatshirt off, scattering his glasses to the floor. Dirk immediately starts pulling at your own shirt and you have to lean back from him and hold your arms up to let him take your shirt off. His muscles move deliciously under his pale freckled skin as he pulls your shirt free. You watch how it shifts the mark on his skin as he moves, even the-

Wait.

The black mark on his soulmark is gone!

Gasping you twist to look at your own arm but the black ink stain of Dirk’s rejection is still there. How can you be the only one to have it? You look back to Dirk’s arm and somehow the blackness on his skin is there again as if it never left. But it did leave, you saw it.

“What…” you wonder aloud, grabbing at his arm and turning it so you can see the whole thing. You can still see part of your compass on his deltoid and you’re not totally sure that the needle in that compass used to point that way. In fact you’re sure it didn’t. More to the point you’re sure the thing was covered enough that you couldn’t see the needle at all now. 

No sooner has the thought solidified into conviction than you see the mark on Dirk’s arm warp, shifting to the position that you’re certain it has.

You let him go abruptly, backing away from him until you’re off of the bed entirely. Dirk sits there in just his underwear looking alarmed.

“What are you?” you ask and panic flashes over Dirk’s face. He holds his hands up peaceably to you.

“Look, I was trying to say but you didn’t want- god, I’ve made a real pig’s ear of this.” he trails off miserably.

“A pig’s- that’s not something Dirk would say! That’s something I would say!” you accuse him.

“How apt.” Not-Dirk mutters, looking down at the bedsheets.

“What are you?” you ask again, grabbing your shirt from the floor and pulling it back on.

“I’m Dirk.” he says.

“Bullshit.” you counter.

“I am. But I’m… I’m you too. It’s complicated to explain.” Not-Dirk says.

“Oh, so you think I’m stupid too.” you snap and Not-Dirk looks at you in shock.

“I don’t think you’re stupid. No Dirk thinks that you’re stupid.” he says barely above a whisper.

“So explain this!” you order him.

The Not-Dirk sighs and gets up off of the bed, his clothes flickering back onto him and magically vanishing off of your floor. He walks to the window and beckons you over, grudgingly you go.

“Dirk is a Prince of Heart, he splinters himself. Hal is one such splinter. I’m a little more complicated but I’m one too. And there are other versions of Dirk out there, remixed, shaken together, set off in different lives, different variables. It’s Dirks all the way down.” Not-Dirk says quietly.

“Your mirrors out there,” he continues and points out at the glimmering buildings that cover your planet, “they show you what is real, what could be real. It’s supposed to help you hone your belief and your hope powers. The only problem is that when some people with some aspects interact with your mirrors you get strange reactions. I wouldn’t let Cronus or Eridan here for a start. But Dirk’s splintering mixed with your mirrors showed every possible Dirk, that’s why it broke. I’m one of them, I exist in other timelines too I’m not bound the same way that other splinters are.” he says.

“So you’re not real.” you conclude.

“I’m… negotiably real. I existed here in theory ever since Dirk broke your mirror. And you didn’t need me so I didn’t exist but when Dirk ended things you refused to believe it was over between you, that he could just throw you away like that. You believed he’d come back. But reality wasn’t playing ball with that so you brought me here, you believed me into existence. I’m part him and part you.” Not-Dirk explains.

“So all this time when I thought Dirk was just blowing hot and cold he was really just staying cold and you were here? Just some figment of my imagination?” you say as so many things suddenly become clear. God, Dirk must think that you’re out of your gourd.

“It’s not as if I was lying to you. I feel what Dirk feels and thinks, the Dirk in this timeline at least. He doesn’t want to be away from you but he’s making himself. You don’t want him away either so when you put those together all I want is to be here.” he explains.

You cover your mouth with your hand. All this time you’ve not been sleeping with Dirk or kissing Dirk, but rather some frankenstein mishmash of the two of you.

“If it helps,” Not-Dirk says lightly, “it’s not as if you were cheating on him. He broke up with you anyway and technically I’m half you so you could consider this just incredibly convoluted masturbation.”

You glare at the fake Dirk and he looks appropriately remorseful. He turns so that his back is to the window and rests against the glass, looking at you sadly.

“I exist in the Alpha timeline too, that Jake made me as well. His Dirk fucked things up between them also. I do want things to get fixed with you two, I do. I just… for a moment there you wanted me and I don’t think any Dirk can resist that.” he says weakly.

“I want the real Dirk.” you tell him. Not-Dirk nods and looks at the ground.

“Yeah, well. I could debate about the realness of anything especially Dirks but given that other you named me Brain Ghost Dirk I think it’s safe to say that I’m less real than him.” he says and you watch as he goes slightly translucent. He notices it too, looking at his hands and sighing.

“You’re really part Dirk?” you ask the ghost warily. He did lie to you so you don’t know how much you can trust him. The ghost nods.

“So can you tell me how to fix things with real Dirk?” you ask hopefully. And if that isn’t the crux of the problem, hope.

“Meet him halfway. He doesn’t have self-restraint when it comes to you and that terrifies him, if you show him that you can agree on a line to toe then he’s likely to narrow the gap between you. You could come to a deal.” he says.

“But like what?” you ask.

“Come on, Jake, we both know you’re not stupid.” the ghost says wryly and fades into nothingness.

Damnit.

You open pesterchum and pace back and forth anxiously. You write and re-write messages until you think that you have something that might work.

[golgothasTerror began pestering timaeusTestified]

GT: Im sorry to bother you i just need to talk.  


GT: Jake.  


GT: No please hear me out.  


GT: I really cannot deal with not being with you which i realise sounds shockingly co dependent and not how i usually like to think of myself at all but youre my damned soulmate. I need you.  


GT: I know that everything with dave and rose was terrible and i am still haunted by it too. I understand why youd want to stay away from me i mean its my fault that you didnt get there in time.  


GT: Jake, I don’t think it’s your fault. It’s mine, I should have had enough self restraint not to get so totally distracted by you all of the time.  


GT: But thats just it isnt it? We were both distracted.  


GT: Which is why I’ve been trying to keep my distance here. I shouldn’t have started this relationship with you, I’m clearly not capable of dealing with it yet. I mean, why on Earth did we think that starting this thing inside a murder game was a good idea?  


GT: Damnit strider! You go on about all of your flaws and you gave me that huge disclaimer when we first got together but i am not as perfect as i wish i was.  


GT: I find that hard to believe.  


GT: Maybe thats half the problem we keep putting each other on pedestals when we have no business being there.  


GT: That… sounds like something that I do.  


GT: And i know i sometimes just see what i want to see.  


GT: I dont want to hurt you or let anyone else get hurt but not being with you is agony can we not just come to a compromise?  


GT: A compromise?  


GT: Yes we both agree on something in the middle!  


GT: Okay, I wasn’t looking for the definition of the word, English. I know what a compromise is. I was asking what you had in mind given the fact that apparently the pair of us have the self control of a starved kid in a candy store.  


GT: Oh well im not sure.  


GT: Great.  


GT: But surely we can find a middle ground between not being together and being miserable as our soulmarks die.  


GT: Like I said, my family has to be my priority.  


GT: Okay but roxy is family.  


GT: Yes?  


GT: What i am saying is what if we got back together but limited the time and we could agree in advance with the girls that they would watch our respective younger siblings so we would know they were protected. We could even return the favour for them.  


GT: You’re talking about babysitting?  


GT: I guess so.  


GT: Would we really be able to stay away from each other the rest of the time though? Surely a clean break until all this is over is more sensible.  


The thought of losing Dirk for however long that is makes a flare of cold black ink creep further over your arm. Who knows if you’ll even both come out alive?

GT: Okay, God, I felt that. You could have just said no.  


GT: This is why this is a problem strider! We can work out a plan for this if you trust me and dont decide that the only person who can decide these things is you!  


GT: Alright, I probably deserved that.  


GT: Too right!  


GT: Look if rules for this thing make you feel better then i would rather do that than not have you at all.  


GT: But it’s not what you want.  


GT: No but i suppose that is why its called a compromise.  


GT: I still don’t know if this is a good idea.  


GT: Dirk please.  


That’s it, that’s your offer. Dirk can hammer out the details later if this is a place that he’s willing to meet you halfway at but otherwise there’s nothing more that you can do. You don’t want part of Dirk, you want all of him. It’s not that you don’t want the twins to have him around or your friends to spend time with him, but the idea of rationing Dirk away is terrible but far preferable to getting no Dirk at all.

GT: I can’t promise this will work out.  


GT: Who can?  


GT: A fair point.  


GT: So?  


GT: Then I suppose… okay.  


  
_If all you have to say_  
_If all you have to say_  
_If all you have to say_  
_Is okay_ _  
_ Then okay


End file.
